Headlines we could have seen …

Harvard President’s Remarks Condemned

AT A RECENT CONFERENCE on women’s representation in sports such as weightlifting, football and caber-tossing, Harvard President Lawrence Summers was asked to comment on the economic and scientific aspects of the problem. Seeking to be “provocative,” President Summers (speaking from notes) said that the underrepresentation of women in these sports may not be due to discrimination. He pointed out that tests have shown women to be, on average, smaller and physically weaker than men and so do less well than men. He added that “Some researchers have suggested that these differences may be biologically based.”

Gasps and groans from the largely female audience greeted these remarks. Athlete Imelda Oxblood commented “I was shocked! I found it extremely upsetting that someone in Summers’ position could still advocate these tired old stereotypes!” She left the hall in tears, adding “I simply couldn’t stand to hear any more of Summers’ sexist ranting!”

Another woman in the audience commented, “Just remember: Once they said that women couldn’t drive cars or even read. Surely we’ve moved beyond that.”

Moderator Tawana Mbeki reminded the audience that at an earlier conference Summers had made similar comments. “He said that African Americans are darker skinned than whites!” she said. “And he was on this biological kick then too!”

Today at a press conference, Pres. Summers apologized for his remarks, which he called “insensitive.” “I’m afraid I was not fully aware of all the social-science research on this problem” he said.

Summers agreed to convene a task force of experts — comprising members randomly selected from the Women’s Sports Collective and the Feminist Union at Harvard — to provide an objective report on the underrepresentation issue.

Summers’ office refused to comment on a report that President Summers had agreed to appear at the annual Hasty Pudding fancy-dress party dressed as Eleanor Roosevelt.

Professor Raises Free-Speech Issue

Ethnic studies professor Ward Churchill of the University of Colorado has been criticized by non-experts in the field for his comments on the World Trade Center attack. He is quoted as saying that “More 9/11s are needed” and the victims of the atrocity are just like Adolf Eichmann, reviled organizer of the Nazi death camps.

Churchill’s colleagues and students have rallied around him, condemning critics as McCarthyite enemies of academic freedom. “Well, I really do sort of disagree with what he said” responded Stephen Jordan, president of the university. “But, well, it is a free-speech issue, isn’t it?”

Churchill’s student supporters noted that the World Trade Center workers killed in the 9/11 attack were “Working with computers and trading stocks and bonds.” Thus they were “obvious tools of the capitalist conspiracy to destroy Native Americans as well as the rest of the world.”

“They asked for it” said one student, wearing a “Robert Redford loves Che Guevara” T-shirt.